A marked disparity between years of men and women generates interest and discussion even in modern times. People of different age divisions get married in increasing frequency. Marriages with twenty years age gap or even more become of common occurrence. Does the age disparity influence the relationship of the couple or not?
It is almost impossible to determine a formula of happy marriage. Therefore, misunderstandings occur in all couples whose outlook on life differs. However, according to psychologist’s observations, the couples with a great age difference divorce more often in comparison with the spouses whose age gap is not so significant (Dillner). Why does age disparity cause a problem in relationships?
A couple of unequal match may come up against a range of obstacles. If men and women have learned different cultural values, they could not understand each other. To achieve the atmosphere of mutual understanding is more difficult because of the cleavage regarding the views. In other terms, a sparring between generations is a serious challenge to both partners. After all, one of the partners just enters upon life while the other has years of solid experience.
Marriages between older men and young ladies have become more frequent in recent decades. Modern representatives of the stronger sex begin to think about a family in adulthood. By this time, most of them have already built a career. They want to start a family and can make liberal provision for their family. Most men dream of young and beautiful wife (Cupach and Spitzberg 44). They do not take into the account the fact that a significant difference in age can cause both: misunderstanding of each other and problems in their future relationship. Some persons are afraid to be condemned by others. They do not want to introduce their partner to friends and relatives in order to avoid people's criticism. Sometimes this can kill the relationship at the very beginning.
Society looks with favor on the couples with the disparity of no more than ten years (Dillner). In other cases, the wider public believes that the relationship is a marriage of convenience. The obstacle is the condemnation of relatives and friends as lots of them may not approve such marriage. As a result, sidelong glances of by passers, gossip of friends and parents’ displeasure can destroy a family idyll.
Another obstacle is a physiologic incompatibility. The younger person may tire of the older partner and feel sexual attraction toward peers. There is a great probability that a young woman will soon get tired of living with an older man since she will be at her sexual peak while he may resort to the help of a little blue pill. In this case, partners cannot build their relationship because of suspicion and loss of interest.
Mature people often built relationship with younger partner due to romantic memories of youth. Young woman can remind a respectable gentleman of his first love, and a lad can jog woman’s memories of her youth. These relationships cannot last long because they are built on illusions. Soon the lovers will realize that their sweethearts are the phantom of the imagination, and that these people are quite different in reality.
A lack of communication belongs to the hidden dangers of the marriage with the disparity of years. Often husband pays for education and interests of young wife. However, they rarely spend time together. He is at work all the time while she devotes herself to her friends. It seems that this problem can be easily solved. In fact, to do this is not very easy, as people who are over-thirties usually do not want to change their habits.
Physicians also express their opinion about a marked difference in age of the couple taking into account the sexual and reproductive aspects. In our time, every third couple faces the problem of reproduction. In physicians’ opinion, the optimal disparity is 5-10 years. In this case, the couple is sexually compatible. Moreover, spouses have about 10 years in order to conceive a healthy offspring. Lots of couples break their marriage because they are unable to have children.
On the one hand, marriage that combines youth and experience, beauty and intelligence, gullibility and maturity may seem nearly perfect. However, there are some nuances, which are not seen at the first glance. Man may try to control a woman. Adult males often become dictators for their young wives and take all the decisions for them. They do not give their wives the opportunity to express their opinion (Cupach and Spitzberg 44). In other words, the girl who gets income and social status from her rich husband risks relegating to the sidelines her personal and professional development. Many wives suffer from the fact that they live in a gilded cage.
It is needless to say that most of all are condemned those couples where the wife is older than her husband. Some people claim that a woman found a young lover and son in one person. Others are convinced that the young man dates woman for mercenary motives. Experts in family relationships believe that if the age gap is not more than 5 years, it will be almost invisible. If the disparity of years is greater, it will be really hard to build relationships (Cupach and Spitzberg 50).
Lady who is much older than her man has to keep herself in good shape. Moreover, she is often jealous of her husband due to the constant fear that sooner or later he will leave her. As a result, even men who are deep in love can cool down and break off the relationship because jealousy is usually annoying. Up to the point, eventually man wants to have children, however not every woman in older age is able to deliver a child. For some persons this reason is serious enough to cut off contact with the woman.
Teenagers cannot even think about dating an older person. It is not worth mentioning. A girl loses her prime teen years while pretending that she is older in order to feel herself comfortable. Older person knows how to make an impression and draw an attention. This type of relationships is not the best one because an experienced partner may want to take an advantage of the young person’s naivety and innocence.
Emotional maturity also belongs to the hurdles in relationships with an age gap. This aspect plays one of the key roles, as younger lovers are almost more active and enthusiastic in comparison with the older partners (Dillner). This fact can be explained by different phases of their lives. If a woman’s partner is reaching the retirement age while she is at the top of the career, he may feel tension and shake head at her achievements. The woman has to decide whether to obey to his authority and forget about her own development or to rebel and break off the relationship.
If man chooses very young girl, he can change his mind in due course. He will desire for a kindred spirit rather than an object of sexual pleasure. He may tire of young and romantic partner and dream of finding a true companionship. In other terms, the man seeks for a woman who can carry on a conversation with him and who can stimulate mentally.
Age gap grows every year. For instance, at the beginning of the relationship the partner’s were 35 and 55. They had common interest at that time. However, in 10 years the disproportion in the age will be more pronounced. Couple grows apart as the interests of these people may change. Of course, this kind of situation and others can happen in relationship of spouses without an age gap. However, the couple with a marked disparity in years has more chances to face various problems.
There is always a stereotype in every society. However, an exception from the rule is possible to find even in the above - discussed situation. In case where a true love is a centerpiece of a relationship, age and social status does not matter. Although, most of people do not want to believe that there are couples who are created for each other. These people take no notice of how many years their partners older or younger are and what their financial status is. Besides, age in relationship plays role only to the public, which blindly follows the common ideology. In fact, psychologists have noticed an interesting fact. It turns out that if the partners are in good shape and they do not advertise their age gap, nobody will be particularly worried about their relationship (Cupach and Spitzberg 52).
Age misalliance is one of the most dangerous since people who enter into such relationship often do not form a clear picture of the situation. Sometimes reality is far more brutal, and it often does not justify even the boldest expectations. Afterwards people realize that they cannot put the clock back or return the lost years of their life. In general, age matters in relationship as people have to overcome such obstacles as clash of opinions, disdain, physiologic incompatibility, disappointment, dictatorship, and constant fear of loss.